Bachelorette Dream Team

Consider this is my official pitch for the next season of the Bachelorette. My fantasy league. My dream team.

I already got all these guys to sign on and they’re real excited. These men are intelligent, funny and talented. My optimism also points me to believe that they can even make gingerbread pecan pancakes.

Unfortunately, not everyone can make the show. Several contenders mailed in outstanding audition tapes. Those men are as follows:

  • Ryan Merriman. Star of Disney Channel Original Movies such as Smart House and Luck of the Irish. Ryan was a hit ten years ago, but I’m afraid he would cling to his acting resume like that college freshman who wears his varsity letter jacket the first week of class.
  • Christian Bale. What’s there not to love? (except his anger management). Rumor wagon says that Mr. Bale is disrespectful to his mother. Disrespectful in the he-assaulted-her kind of way. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; I like my men like I like my almonds: mostly healthy, and mother-approved. Almonds have nothing to do with Christian Bale, but Christian Bale has everything to do with almonds.
  • Ryan Gosling. I’ve been hemming and hawing for a good reason that he can’t be on the show. Though I’d love for this man to compete for my heart just as much as he would love to compete for my heart, Ryan must be omitted simply because he’s too cliche. Also because he has the same name as my brother. What if I picked him and then I accidently texted something cute-sy to the wrong Ryan? The whole things has disaster written all over it.

For now, let’s stick together and keep indulging in the current season. It was hard to see Monica go, but I’m sure she found her true-love-soulmate-partner-best-friend-lover-baby-daddy by the time she got to the airport. She didn’t start enough fights anyway.

Food for thought: who would you put on your dream team?

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5 Comments

  1. Sarah
    Posted 01/24/2012 at 11:18 PM | Permalink | Reply

    umm… we.like.the.same.boys.

    • Posted 01/24/2012 at 11:53 PM | Permalink | Reply

      [twirling hair] Chris O’Dowd…TODAY. but who knows about tomorrow. Don’t I get two months to have my way with them?

  2. Posted 01/25/2012 at 11:19 AM | Permalink | Reply

    my heart stopped at atticus finch. you just can’t have him becky. jealous.

  3. Posted 01/26/2012 at 1:55 PM | Permalink | Reply

    Just when I thought your post about your athletic skills was my favorite- this one stole my heart. partially because of all the eye candy, but most because this is probably my favorite thing i’ve read ever: “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; I like my men like I like my almonds: mostly healthy, and mother-approved. Almonds have nothing to do with Christian Bale, but Christian Bale has everything to do with almonds.”

  4. Posted 01/27/2012 at 4:26 PM | Permalink | Reply

    I can’t believe you have Aziz, Schwartzman, Adam Scott AND Atticus Finch on here. We are basically one and the same.

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