I’D RATHER BE SHORT

I’d Rather be Short is going to be on shelves November 2013! Published by Penguin/Plume Books. Pre-order it today! You can find it at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, IndieBound or Books-A-Million. Before you know it, you’ll have 100 reasons why it’s great to be small delivered to your doorstep. Follow me on Twitter for more updates.

#28: I wasn’t sure what to draw for this one. Dryer? Too dangerous. Hamper? Didn’t think of it until just now. Then I remembered when I strategically hid under the bed pillows at Allie’s house in elementary school. I’m sure it took them ages to find me.

It should be noted that since I’ve gotten older, I have learned that the joke is really on the best hider. That is the person who has to sit motionless for as long as it takes their lazy friends to find them. Depending on how good of a hide and how lazy the friend, it could be lethal.

#27: This is where I count my blessings. Only Heaven knows how many times I’ve dodged a stanky mouth.

••••••••  26  ••••••••

#26: I’ve been here so many times. At a later date I will do a post specifically related to hand-me-downs, but for now I will share this anecdote: when I was 12, my cousin Katie gave me a pair of plaid l.e.i. shorts after she outgrew them. After wearing them for years, I handed the shorts off to my younger sister (by eight years). Eventually Laurel outgrew the fine garment — because that’s what people do — they outgrow their 7th grade wardrobes. I found those plaid shorts in her closet and took them back to college. I was 22.

#25: I recently realized that most people don’t know what it’s like to be the resident measuring stick. It works because the smaller you are, the more objects you can measure (nobody ever got mad at a teaspoon). This is from the college days. Did we have a tape measure in the ‘ment somewhere? Maybe. Did we have it the day we needed a curtain rod? I don’t believe so.

••••••••  24  ••••••••

••••••••  23  ••••••••

••••••••  22  ••••••••

••••••••  21  ••••••••

••••••••  20  ••••••••

••••••••  19  ••••••••

••••••••  18  ••••••••

••••••••  17  ••••••••

••••••••  16  ••••••••

••••••••  15  ••••••••

••••••••  14  ••••••••

••••••••  13  ••••••••

••••••••  12  ••••••••

••••••••  11  ••••••••

••••••••  10  ••••••••

••••••••  09  ••••••••

••••••••  08  ••••••••

••••••••  07  ••••••••

••••••••  06  ••••••••

••••••••  05  ••••••••

••••••••  04  ••••••••

••••••••  03  ••••••••

••••••••  02  ••••••••

 ••••••••  01  •••••••

This is the start of a little something that has been on my mind for a while. If you have meandered around the site at all, you will have noticed that I’ve drawn some attention to my small stature. You will have also noticed that I cannot go a paragraph without highlighting a good pun; if you didn’t spot one two sentences ago, that’s okay, but do know that you missed out. Anyway, I am in the works of illustrating and archiving the world’s most celebrated reasons to be small. I’ll add them as soon as the pen hits the paper, so it is going to be an ongoing project. Your suggestions and comments [HINT] are more than just welcome — they are essential for the success of this hall of fame list. Then what? We will tell athletes and models that we feel sorry for them because they can’t stand up straight in a tree house. Or sleep horizontally on a queen sized bed. Or curl up like a cat in an airplane. You get the idea.